she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
