Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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