I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
