how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
