I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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