Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
