Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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