I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
