WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
