Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
