i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
