Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
