Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
