and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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