what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
