Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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