Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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