Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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