I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
