can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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