im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
