dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
