he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
