At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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