i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
