Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
