i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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