actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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