Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
