You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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