Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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