Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
