I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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