I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
