my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
