My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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