Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
