My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
