does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
