Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
