Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
