His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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