i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
