Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
