i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
