If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
