dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize