the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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