She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
