so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
