My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
