I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
