I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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