oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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