My sheets look like a crime scene.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry about my life...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
