At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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