we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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