I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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