you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
