I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
