I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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