Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
