meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
