you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
