i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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