Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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