She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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