Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
