I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
