i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
