What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its about making memories worth repressing
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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