She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
