Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
