roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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