keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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