well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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