my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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