And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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