Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
