We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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